This is a rant, so I would like to apologize a head of time for the incoherent stream of conscious.
I just looked at my grades today, and have another 2 C+ s to add to my other 5 I've accumulated, only by my sophomore year. I'm going to have to pick things up during this summer and next year.
What makes me sad is that those classes actually weren't too difficult. Well, the religion one was a bit difficult because we really have to construe our own opinions and take a stand on them. And no matter how hard I study for that class (reading all the chapters and going over all the vocabs) I can't do well on the exams.
Human physiology on the other hand...If I had put more effort into the class, maybe I would've done much better. I don't know what happened. In the beginning I was so psyched and ready to learn how the body's physiology works. But over time I began to grow bored with the professor's droning voice and disinterest in teaching the class. I'm not sure I will be able to get into graduate school anymore now. I can only hope someone is compassionate enough to let me in, no matter where it is.
Human physiology on the other hand...If I had put more effort into the class, maybe I would've done much better. I don't know what happened. In the beginning I was so psyched and ready to learn how the body's physiology works. But over time I began to grow bored with the professor's droning voice and disinterest in teaching the class. I'm not sure I will be able to get into graduate school anymore now. I can only hope someone is compassionate enough to let me in, no matter where it is.
Although I had time to study for those exams, I spent most of it growing closer to some of my friends. While I'm a bit upset with myself for not using the time wisely, I also am content with my choice. Having been a bit down the whole school year, I didn't realize how much it was affecting my performance in school and retaining information. I've been having a hard time with studying all year and I couldn't figure out why, no matter how many different methods I tried. Now I can see that my emotional struggle was taking a toll on me and I hadn't realized it. On the bright side, I've grown closer to a wonderful groups of friends, each one different from the other, but also very alike and I love how everyone completes the group in one way or another. I'm glad I've used this time to grow closer to them and create a relationship that I hope will grow and not fall apart like all my others.
So there's the divide that exists, and they keep fighting at each other in my heart making things difficult for me. I can only say to myself that the past cannot be changed, only the future is something I can somewhat have a say in.
this is such a meaningful post, dear. i understand the pull between school and self: sometimes it feels as though the world won't allow for happiness in both areas. but remember that things happen when they are supposed to and not necessarily how we want them to. grades are only a means to an end; friends are that end (or i think so). you made a choice of personal health over grades. only in this uber-competetive society is that choice considered "wrong" or "odd." <3 stay strong love. it will be all right in the end.
ReplyDeleteI love youuuuu. <3 AND MISS YOU OH SO MUCH! This book I'm reading reminds me of you and your angels. :)
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