Gasybeans in wonderland

These past 72 hours of my life has been the most fun I've had in all my college experiences. (Though the timing sure is bad considering it's finals week.)

I've spent most of this time with two amazing ladies, plus two others who pop in every once in a while. :)
We've laughed, done crazy things, make fun of each other, stuff ourselves full, and stay up until 6 in the morning together. And it was splendid.

I even got interrogated about my feelings. That was scary. I kept myself cowering behind a nice soft pillow, avoiding the eyes of the one who would dig every secret out of me. Although this idea sounds scary, and scared me in that moment, I felt much lighter afterwards. Having kept secrets inside, purposely not acknowledging certain feelings, and constantly adding to my wall of defense had been slowing me down for such a long time. While I believed that doing such things was actually helping me to be a stronger, better, unselfish person, I had become the total opposite.

I had become selfish, noticing how I wasn't getting what I wanted nor what I had hoped for. I became weaker, mentally, not able to deal with problems going on in my life and instead storing them inside and creating a very unhealthy and deadly ticking bomb. And I was becoming a much worse person, constantly painting gray portraits of life, and of people whom I once viewed close.

It's funny how it took just a couple days with these girls for me to realize that what I needed was to talk, to also be heard so that I can listen to the possible ways to go about things, so that I could finally breathe. I use to avoid girl talk because they only things that came out of it was usually drama. But now I see that it's not always that way.

Girl talk hadn't been part of my life since middle school. Most talks didn't get too personal, and most of the time the others aren't concerned about me. This is was such a refreshing time, that I didn't want to go back to reality. I felt everything was a dream - sleeping on a nice fluffy cloud, eating all the cakes I could, and not feeling worried about school. It was wonderful. It was my wonderland.

But, I'm stepping out of that world and returning to reality again where my days consists of coffee, late night snacking, facebooking to avoid studying, squeaky beds, and horrific final exams.

Yours truly,
gasybeans ♥